My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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