i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
