out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
