apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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