i permit you to call me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
