Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
