Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i now understand why vodka
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
