lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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