Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
