I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
