u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
