Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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