Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My penis needs a shock collar
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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