everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
