Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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