So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
