dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
