how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
