I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
