No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants