Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize