Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
