i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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