I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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