i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
