My Higher Power is John Stamos
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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