Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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