i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize