Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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