just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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