You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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