The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
