Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
