he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
