@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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