Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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