Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
