loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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