someone threw a dead crab at me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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