Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Fuck appropriateness.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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