I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
