Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
