I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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