So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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