you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
