i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
