Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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