is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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