The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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