How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
