Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
