is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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