just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
