you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
