you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
