I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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