a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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