We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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