let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
